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for dearest V <3
Genre : Romance, Angst
Pairing : Harry Styles x Natalie Calder (OC)
Length : drabble/completed
--
I’ll be your song
I’ll become quiet music
So I can wipe away all your painful tears
I’ll be your song
I’ll be your breath that you can comfortably breathe
If only I can take a step to you
The lonely night holds her breath unmercilessly, leaving her breathless as tears stream down her cheeks. The sound of vehicles passing by alerts her. The silence and darkness are nothing but suffocating and achingly paralyzing. Under the mess she is right now, she seeks for him. Only him. She doesn’t know why.
I’m calling out your name
Ringing it throughout the night sky
With a voice that only you can hear, I’ll quietly call out
“Natalie?”
And there he is, standing right in front of the door, near the light switch, looking tired from work. She doesn’t realize that the lights are on. She feels ashamed with how she looks right now.
He doesn’t think.
With a terribly worried face, he sprints to her and in no time she feels a pair of arm crushes her in a very comforting hug. She stays silent for a while, but then her feelings are somehow unable to hold themselves. She finally cries on shirt, wetting it in a matter of seconds because her tears are spilling relentlessly. He can feel his heart clenching in the most painful way it can conjure, because the sight of Natalie crying is stabbing him repeatedly.
He doesn’t acknowledge that fact that Natalie has been holding something immensely burdening this whole time – he knows immediately by the broken wails and sobs she emitted -, and he gradually feels an excruating pang in his heart until he is a little breathless.
He takes her deeper to his embrace, moving her to sit on his lap. He soothes her with calming words and warm kisses, starting from her forehead, to her cheeks, to her nose, and lastly to her lips.
He doesn’t think. It tastes sweet despite the heart breaking situation.
“What happened?”
She chuckles bitterly “Do you care to know?”
Guilt washes over him. He remembers that moment on the chilly Autumn night. How could he forget? He yelled to her loud and clear,
“I don’t care about you! I don’t love you! Stop meddling in my business!”
He didn’t mean those words. He was drunk, he was confused, he was conflicted, he was tired, and most importantly he needed to rest his mind. But at the same time, Natalie had problems as well. And she had been vocal about it. He remembers it perfectly, it all was about him. It was never about her personal battle. It was never about her pained heart. It was about his health. It was about his habits. It was about his needs. And she reprimanded him for neglecting his own body. She was angry at him for being a workaholic, abandoning all things right away because in his mind, there was only work. She was mad because he ignored his friends and his family, because he didn’t want to be bothered by useless things. He spat venomous words at her because he was too clouded by his own selfishness to able to think straight. She weakly said that she loves him, so she cares deeply for him. But all he did was hurt her.
Their relationship didn’t start well, didn’t go well, because it all happened from an arranged marriage. He wasn’t surprised that their relationship went visibly downhill after that incident. She decided to be mute to him, only showing minimal gesture to response to his words. She kept her good attitude and she didn’t act cold towards him. But when he accidentally locked gaze with her, he could see the exhaustion of her soul. She looked like she has wilted through time. For the first time in their 5 years old marriage, the light that used to shone on her eyes faded and the passionate spirit in her orbs was burning weakly, slowly reaching into nothingness. A silent and forgotten sea. Gloomy grey sky and sorrowful memories kept the place intact.
He found himself unable to sleep peacefully every night.
He wished that he could do something to fix the broken light in her no longer warm eyes. But he was withering as well, guilt and self hate were fatiguing him, drowning him more into an irreversible limbo of emptiness. And it’s all because he was a coward. Afraid of falling in love once again just because he was traumatic of his past.
He expected a divorce, to be honest.
Until now.
He cups her face gently, and he connects their gaze.
She can see his tortured soul.
“Please, Natalie.”
“I…..couldn’t take it anymore. People pressure me all the time you know? Their expectations are insanely high, since I am the wife of one the most successful businessman. Work has been hectic. My parents are fighting a lot recently. My brother ran away from home again. I’m at my limit, I guess. And, i……… simply couldn’t handle the ache in my chest everytime I look at you.”
He stays silent for minutes.
“I hurted you. You get hurt more, and now look where we are. It’s tiring like this right? Let’s just stop.”
She trembles in his hold.
“Are you saying that we should divorce?”
“I think it’s the best.”
A tear rolls down her beautiful face. She grips on his shirt in a desperate and begging manner.
“I…..didn’t waste five years just to let this happen…. I loved you okay? I still do! Why can’t you just accept that?”
His eyes are turning blurry.
“But you are only killing yourself by of staying with me.”
She chortles bitterly.
“That’s the point. Love makes you do things you can’t imagine.”
He doesn’t hold back a tear.
“I am an awful person. All I have with me is my ugly memories. All I have with me is my horrendous experiences. All I ever did was damage. Okay, I’ll be honest, I do feel love towards you. I do want to fix our relationship. But I think you deserve more. I’m not worthy enough of you. So I’ll give you the chance to find someone better.”
I’ll be your song
I’ll become quiet music
So I can wipe away all your painful tears
I’ll be your song
I’ll be your breath that you can comfortably breathe
If only I can take a step to you
She leans closer to him and looks at him in crestfallen gaze. But she smiles anyway.
“Love is blind. It happened to me, it happened to you. You know, i am so glad that you have some love for me, because you actually cared for me. I’m happy to know it.”
“But we can’t be ---“
“Harry, I didn’t stay by your side to gain happiness. I stayed because I want you to be happy. That’s the crazy part about love. I realized that it’s not my happiness that matters, it’s yours.”
“But I want you to be happy! That’s why I’m letting you go.”
She grins softly. Her tears are finally drying up.
“Will you be happy if I leave? Will you be happy if I find another man?”
He holds her tighter.
That’s all I need, Harry.
She intertwines her hand with his large ones. She thinks that it fits perfectly.
“The only way to make me happy is for you to stay by my side.”
He lets out another tear. Not because of pain, but because of hope.
But my sadness is comforted by you
The world in my heart is shaking
But it calms me
“Harry, don’t be afraid, I’m here to hold your hand. ”
There are so many things I want to say
A lot of time passed
But I missed you
I’ll smile and say hello
When she kisses him gently and longingly, he knows that a tiny part of his heart is starting to heal.
I missed you
I’ll smile and say hello
